Dateline DC ... With todays groundbreaking psychiatric treatment reversing Pastor Ted Haggert's gender orientation, after only 3 weeks of counseling, anonymous Washington sources have suggested this remarkable descrambling technology might also be applied to other persistent political pyschosis instances. These White House staffers recommend that such treatments might also be used in peach mending fruitcakes, and gobbler warmings, both being leftovers from the holiday season. The FIB special alert notifies all prom lifers that such incidents should be put in the freezer as they don't digest well with Valentine candy.
The FIB warns Prom lifers that these psychosis are simply adolescent fantasies that have nothing to do with Monica Lewinsky, Chappequidick, virgins, and what to do when virgins make mistakes. But Associates are warned that such pyschosis may appear to be Blue Light Specials, and to maintain allegiance during confusing circumstances. Hence, the FIB today released a code red and white warning, in addition to further instructions as listed below.
Associates are warned that if such a symptom occurs, patriotic Associates will find the best prices in the Mallwart promotion aisle for the newest Fox News antenna patch updates. These patches feature easy-to-use-default settings of full blocking of all other media channels, plus the bonus free limited time offer of daily updates for Monica and Chappy tape output settings. These efficient update settings function on all Associate systems, with unmatched efficency,
considering the modest player capacities of this member technology.
With this technology installed, prom lifers will be protected on dangerous city streets, where free lifers are gathering in increasing lines for the release of the Seventh Installment in the 'Clueless and the Cons' adventure series. Unsubstantiated reports claim this series finale is set in Big G, a tropical resort, where the gang debates which outfits will get them through the day, orange or stripes. Such plot reports are based on an early movie trailer, which shows a cowboy bar, an empty whiskey bottle, empty glass, and Old Sure Shot strolling the yard of a seaside villa, looking to do a little bird hunting.
Any Prom Life Associate encountering such an alarming situation should first listen to directions on the default channel setting, as the future of our great country depends on such allegiance. If more resources are required, please find a safe place and download the special Ted Haggert rehab technique, which will be available at a special discount price to Associate members requiring such assitance.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment